Ensuring a Happy Ever After
by famousindafuture
Summary: Bella goes too far with Jacob, what is the line between being comforted and taking advantage of friendship? What happens when Edward comes back? Sometimes a mistake has to be made in order to make things right. B.E fic.
1. Patterns

**Disclaimer: I own nothing what so ever to do with Twilight, or New Moon. That all belongs to Stephanie Meyer. And the song at the end is by Coldplay- Fix you. With that said, I would like to thank my wonderful beta, who has given me nothing but the best advice. Thanks Trine. **

**Emergency Authors Note!!!!!!!!!**** Now this story doesn't immediately set the stage for a happy ever after, but I promise you, despite wonderful Jacob being in many of the first chapters, and despite the boundaries they push THIS IS A BELLA/EDWARD ff. So calm down, and allow what ever happens to happen and know that it will all be worth it in the end. This is following the "what if" Bella never attempted to jump, thus Alice never seeing a vision, equaling Edward having not come home **_**yet**_

I looked down at the beautiful creature in my arms. She was currently shaking her head into my chest, and her body swayed while she mumbled _his _name. But this wasn't uncommon. I had grown quite used to her reaching out for him in her sleep and pushing the thought of him away while awake. My big, rough hands clumsily tried to tuck some hair behind her delicate ear. She smiled against me and snuggled in closer. It was moments like these that were pure torture for me. Here I was with the woman I loved securely in my arms, her body pressed against mine and I couldn't do anything about it.

The funny thing about Bella was that I had made the decision long ago that I would never let anything hurt her, including myself. I learned that any pain she felt, was pain I felt too. I thought that when her "Prince Charming" left her it would open a door for me, and make me happy.

Well it did, at first. But that happiness was short lived. She loved him, more then I could ever hope for her to love me. Of course, I know in my heart that she did love me, but the love she had for me could never hold a candle to the flame that burned in her heart for…..I couldn't even think his name.

Don't get me wrong, I love the fact that he left. And I loved the feeling I got from the knowledge that it was ME who was the cause of every smile she gave lately. But feeling this happiness when the girl beside me was so obviously suffering made me more of a monster then I already was. What if he ever came back? What if she truly wants him back? What would I do then? I would do anything that would make her happy, but could I honestly walk away and leave her with that _creature. _I will step aside, I think. It would kill, and I never want it to come down to that. But when you love someone, you will do anything for them; even sacrifice your own happiness I suppose. Anything that Bella wants, I will do for her.

"Jake?" Her eyes fluttered open and I could see the tears already forming in them. This was not an uncommon way for her to awake. I tried to brush them away with my thumb, but she quickly buried her head in my shirt. I felt the sobs wracking her body as her small delicate fists clung to my shirt. I had no idea of what to do now. No many how many times it happens, is any man prepared to deal with a crying woman? I don't believe in telling crying people that it would be okay, because sometimes you couldn't guarantee that. I also don't believe in telling them to be quiet, calm down, or the elusive "shhh", because everyone had a right to cry. So instead I stroked her hair, and waited for her to tell me about it. She would tell me about it because we were best friends, and so nothing was off limits. _Best Friends_. That title had changed many times over the past couple months. There was no way to label what we had, because what we had was, honestly, whatever she wanted it to be.

Without warning, I remembered the first time I tried to kiss her. I remember her laughing about something stupid on her doorstep. There was a moment where the porch light reflected her beautiful, and in that moment, happy face. Her eyes appeared to be glimmering. I can even recall the tingle that went through my body like a bolt. I felt my hands lightly taking her face in my hands before my brain had made the conscious decision. Right as my lips were about to touch hers, I looked into her eyes. She resembled a deer stuck in the headlights. She seemed frozen to the spot, just looking at me. I could almost hear the thoughts running through her head. In her eyes I could see the confusion, the boundaries. And with that one glance I kissed her forehead and walked away.

The truth of the matter was that I had to make a lot of decisions beforehand when it came to Bella. I knew that she loved me, and that the love she had for me was stronger then most teenage relationships. But the love wasn't that one of a kind, "knock-your-socks-off" love. If given time it could grow into that, but at face value it just wasn't. Our love wasn't brother/sister love either. I didn't think either of us knew what kind of love ours would classify as. But it was not the "Edward" love that she had experienced. I decided to let Bella make the first moves. And make them she did.

"It was the same dream." She mumbled, breaking up my thoughts. "He was there, and telling me he didn't want me," at this my fists clenched. I didn't understand how a man could have the perfect woman and her love, and just throw it away.

"But this time," She started quietly, "I wanted revenge. I can't explain it. I have never felt that before. It was so random, so unjustified." I looked curiously at her and she avoided my glance. She focused instead on tracing the patterns on my shirt with her finger. I was about to ask but then she continued.

"I wanted to prove I could do without him, I wanted to scream in his face. I wanted to do something other then beg him to come back. So I-" She looked up hesitantly, her sharp eyes boring into mine. I tried to nod to get her to continue, and she took the hint.

"I told him to F off." She looked so guilty then, that I couldn't help the laugh that built in my chest. Her eyes flashed in anger and she tried to hit me. When her fist connected with my chest it made a huge cracking noise. Immediately she pulled back her fist and tried to hide the pain she was feeling with the anger towards me. This only made me laugh more. She angrily got off the bed, and I followed her, trying to make my way around the room.

She had recently redecorated and moved things around, the reason being that was I to climb in her window every night and sleep in her bed, she didn't want to wrongly associate me with the Romeo that had done such months ago.

I grabbed her in my arms in a tight bear hug and lifted her over my shoulder. I could feel her fighting against me, and that made me smile more. I gently dropped her on the bed and she tried, unsuccessfully, to evade me. I lightly pinned her small wrists to the bed and tried to make her look into my eyes. She rebelliously refused. I started kissing her head, her forehead, trying to get her to look at me. Finally, her eyes in tight slits, glared at me unconvincingly.

"Bella," I said, trying to hold back the new waves of laughter I could feel building up. "You can't even say the F word." She looked at me, this time with confusion. "You have never said the f word before, this being proven with the fact that you call it the f word. And you say it in a dream, to a man that fully deserves it, and you think that you have done the worst thing in this world." I started laughing again and let go of her wrist long enough to brush some messed up hair out of her eyes. She just stared at me in shock.

"I don't understand you sometimes, Jacob Black." She shook her head, while staring at me. At that exact moment my eyes fell to her parted lips. All the scenarios of what I wanted to do went through my mind, all my instincts telling me to lean just a little forward and capture her mouth in mine. But with a sigh I got up and went back to the top of the bed and hid underneath the cushions. As always, the first move had to be up to her.

She got off the edge of the bed, and came to join me. She snuggled close to me and I wrapped my arms around her. As she tried to fall back into a slumber I felt her shift her body against mine. Oh yes, Bella Swan was going to be the death of me.

"Jake?" She asked very quietly.

"Yes Bella?" I already knew what she was going to ask, I was used to our dynamics.

"Will you…" She didn't seem able to finish her sentence.

"What will it be?" I asked, not bothering to ask what she meant any more.

"I don't care."

It was ritual, every night after she has woken up from a nightmare I would sing her to sleep. I was sane enough to know never to sing to her when she was fully awake, and yet crazy about her enough to do anything she asked. I had a feeling the singing comforted her so much because it was something he used to do, but I never breached the subject. Instead I found that singing to her was my escape. It was the one time I could express how I truly felt about her without her getting the opportunity to shy away. I truly thought that every time I sang to her, she was already incoherent enough that she didn't realize how carefully I chose the songs. I often pondered if she ever put the pieces together. I allowed myself to pull her in closer. I gently breathed in her ear and she shivered.

"Okay, but you are better at this then I am." She tried to turn around to see me, no doubt wondering what I meant. "I heard you singing while doing the dishes." I explained. I couldn't be sure but I was willing to bet a nice heat was spreading to her cheeks. But before she could get too embarrassed, I started the song.

"_When you try your best, but you don't succeed. When you get what you want but not what you need. When you feel so tired but you can't sleep. Stuck in reverse?" _I felt her tense around me, so maybe this time she was listening this time. I knew I had struck a chord, but for once I needed to do something for me. Maybe she would never understand, heck, _I_ didn't understand.

"_And the tears come streaming down your face. When you lose something you can't replace. When you love someone but it goes to waste. Could it be worst_?" I felt her turn to look at me but I softly started stroking her back. I knew it hurt, but it was one of those moments I knew had to happen. There were those songs one heard and they filled something inside, a hole one didn't know was waiting to be filled. A song that felt like life had been summed up in a few sentences and one can relate to such a point it takes all breath away.

"_Lights will guide you home, And ignite your bones, And I will try to fix you."_ I felt her relax against me. I couldn't understand this action. Was she really listening to the song? Did she tune it out now that she realized it had nothing to do with the boy?

"_High up above or down below. When you're too in love to let it go. But if you never try you'll never know. Just what you're worth_." I heard her voice calm and her breathing start to slow. I knew that she was falling asleep against me. And despite my original response I wanted to shake her, wake her up and make her realize what I was trying to say.

"_Lights will guide you home. And ignite your bones. And I will try to fix you._" I recognized the signs that she was being lured into sleep. And unconsciously she tried to meld her body into mine.

"_Tears stream down your face. When you lose something you cannot replace  
Tears stream down on your face. And I. Tears stream down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes. Tears stream down on your face. And I_" I looked at her, and knew for a fact that she was fully asleep now. I brushed hair away from her eyes, and felt my heart fall a little into the empty space of the night. To the silent room I finished my thoughts to the angel beside me.

"_Lights will guide you home  
And ignite your bones.  
And I will try  
to fix you"_


	2. The Curse of the Morning

**Authors Note-**** I'd Like to thank Trine again who took time out of her Summer to edit this. This has some lemon type moments in it that are slightly uncomfortable and I would like to remind you ALL that this is a Edward and Bella fic, but it takes a little while to get there, so let it roll okay?**

Sometimes a collaboration of events have to occur in order to ensure a happy ending. During these events you question "why me? What good can come out of this confusion, this pain?" Sometimes it demands faith that life knows your ending destination.

There's no worse feeling than waking up and feeling okay for a minute, and then that sick feeling washes over you and you remember it's not okay, that you're not okay. Knowing that you can never get that feeling back doesn't make you want it any less.

No matter how long it's been, lately I still feel like I am seeing him everywhere. I think I am going paranoid, because when I open my eyes and he's not near me I have to blink a couple times to make sure. I've been **imagining** him by my side at all moments. It sounds like I'm losing my mind here, but I _want_ him, and that need hasn't lessened any by the time and distance apart. I've been needing him and_wanting him_ in this **crazy** way and I can't _focus_on what's going on around me. I am hooked on so tight _and_ I don't want to lose him, or his memory. Maybe the deepest part of who we are is the thing that scares us or ends up breaking our hearts. And I see why we don't want to share that with anyone, and when we do we don't want to lose those people. But I'm _supposed_ to have forgotten him. I'm supposed to be "**over him**". I'm supposed to have let him go a long, _long_ time ago. Let's face facts, shall we? I **haven't** forgotten him. And that's the problem.

My alarm went off, keeping me from my personal pity party. I opened my eyes, chasing all of the images of him away. I saw something shake at the foot of my bed, and groggily I crawled forward to see what it was. Jacob, dear Jacob was hands and knees on the ground. The sunlight that was now streaming through my window had found its perfect place to land. It gently kissed Jacobs back, with his muscles tightening and constricting as he searched my floor. He leaned forward, coming up to full height, and I gasped at the beautiful figure in front of me. It still shocked me, every time I saw beauty, because I had once came to the conclusion that all the beauty I would ever know disappeared the day the Cullen's did. He looked at me with an eyebrow raised.

"Enjoying the view?" I gave him a half smile and threw a pillow in his direction. Naturally his reflexes caught it before it came in any vicinity to his face, and he continued looking for something on my floor. He was lying on his stomach, trying to peek under my bed. I got up from my bed to turn the radio across the room off. When I went to step over Jacob, either my foot caught or he purposely tripped me. With my klutziness and his treachery, either was a possibility. Either way, I came tumbling down on top of him. Luckily I fell on enough of him that my body was completely in tact.

He rolled over carefully so I was lying next to him. He stared up at the ceiling, and pushed my foot out of his face. "Why do you always have to fall for me?" he asked me in mock exasperation.

I laughed, a sound that was now becoming a little more common to my ears. "I ask myself that question regularly." Jacob made a motion to get up but I put my foot on his chest, I was enjoying the moment too much to let it end.

"Bella, Charlie is without a doubt wondering what is happening in here. If the big boom," with a protest from my direction he corrected himself "okay little boom, didn't wake him, then the music is definitely doing the trick. Not that I don't enjoy it." He pretended to do a little dance while on the ground.

With a yawn I wiggled around as if to copy his "dance" but conveniently kept my foot on his chest. He grabbed my foot and sat up slightly to see my expression. When his confused eyes met my non-concerned ones, he raised an eyebrow that in many realms would have been considered seductive.

"Is there a convenient detail you are leaving out as to why you are not in a hurry to see me out the door? Or are you personally waiting for the day Charlie has an aneurism and forbids me to come to this house?"

"What do I get if I tell you?" I tried to lobby. Of course it wasn't a detail that I could really hang over his head, but I was eager to hear a response.

"I will continue my little dance," he flashed a smile at me. "But would you please tell me where Charlie is?"

"You really don't pay attention do you?" He gave me a confused look. "He took Billy and they went on some ritual all night fishing trip?" His head nodded in recognition.

"Now dance wolf boy."

I put my hands behind my head in order to enjoy the show that I was sure to now enjoy. Jacob gave me a huge smile and then closed his eyes. He started snapping and making a big show of swaying along to the music while slowly getting up. A small giggle passed past by my lips. Jacob danced, more like pranced while snapping over to my music player. The collection of moves that flowed from his body ranged everywhere from the sprinkler to disco. When I started rolling to the side because I couldn't control my laughter, he decided to milk it.

He grabbed a hairbrush and came close to "serenade me" the only problem being he didn't know the words that were coming from the stereo. His mouth made motions, trying to guess the next vowel and he danced back over to where I was sitting. He reached his hand out, it was a wonder I was able to grasp it with the laughter boiling from my mouth. He pulled me up and pulled my body towards his. With one arm around my pajama clad waist, the other hand in my hand, with a hairbrush still clasped in his fist. He swayed us while singing into the fist beside him.

"I love how I can be an absolute fool around you," He whispered in my ear. "And you still make me feel amazing."

It was these moments that it hit me, I had a wonderful person in my life. He was always there to cheer me up in ways I never thought possible. He was in a way, my savior. How many times had I been crying and he gathered me in his arms to let me? How many times had he made the motion to kiss me and then stopped because of what I wanted? Suddenly I wanted to try something. I dismissed the thought, but it kept creeping along the edges of my mind.

I looked at Jacob, really looked. He smiled down at me with his gentle eyes, and unaware of my scrutiny attempted to twirl me. He was never coming back, never. And here in front of my eyes, always right in front of me, was a man who loved me. A man who would do anything for me, including sacrificing his own happiness.

What was a fairy tale ending anyway? If a girl had a man who loved her and made her smile, what else did she need?

"Bella?" Jacob's face looked concerned, but I was too busy trying to sort of my thoughts and how they pertained to the moment to even formulate a response. Did I love Jacob? With every remaining bit of my heart. But there weren't very many of those bits left. Could I do this to him? Was I cheating him out of an experience, what if he had someone akin to Edward for me out there for him? Was Edward a random occurrence? Did anyone ever have emotions like that? I mean, what truly was love to begin with? What more was there then an admiration, respect, friendship, attraction, trust, laughter, and some things in common? Wasn't that the basis of love?

"Bella, what's up?" Jacob grabbed my face, the contours of my jaw in order to look into my eyes. When I saw those familiar globes seeking mine, I saw something I wasn't expecting. I saw love in them, and it hit me in the gut. There was my answer. Regardless of the other part of my brain, and what it was trying to tell me, I grabbed Jacob's face eagerly and forcefully pulled his lips to mine before I could reconsider it.

His warm lips connected with mine and though there was no spark, no magic, I felt something clawing in my stomach. Eagerness, maybe excitement, but whatever voices in my head were trying to reason with me were now being drowned out by something in my brain screaming "MORE!"

At first he froze, but when I pulled him in closer, and ran my hands through his hair, he seemed to wake up from his trance. He kept his hands on my face, and ran his fingers softly down my cheek. It was like these simple actions numbed my brain, and I didn't have to think. I didn't have to think at all. I took advantage of the situation. Our mouths pressing against each other firmly, the room seemed to get a little smaller. As if my body was being possessed I ran my tongue along his bottom lip, gently tasting it. His reached out to meet it, and soon our tongues were battling with each other until the point of breathlessness. When we broke apart, he stared at me. The look in his eyes seemed to be trying to assess who had taken control of me, and trying to decide how he liked the circumstances, but I didn't want to think, I didn't want him to think. For the first time in a long time I was feeling an emotion, and although I couldn't place it, it wasn't that void feeling in my chest.

I suddenly wanted everything with him. Everything Edward could never give me, never wanted to give me. I wanted him to touch me the way Edward never could. I wanted to give him everything. I wanted to kiss the way I could never kiss Edward. After all the months of being precise and careful, I wanted to lose control. My brain suddenly seemed to have turned off, but the feeling, the unmistakable feeling of comfort. To feel someone's touch, to feel a sense of being needed, it was powerful enough to touch. I was lost, drowning in unreason and desperation.

I lunged forward again, but this time his gentle hands held me back. He looked down at me, searching my face my eyes for any type of answer.

"Bella, what are you doing?" He asked, his tone slightly raspy. I tried to side step that question by forcefully kissing him again. He seemed to comply until his brain started talking to him again. "Bella, don't get me wrong, I've wanted this forever, but-"

"I want more than this." I stated decisively. He looked at me with a raised eyebrow. "I want it all, _now._"

"You can't. You don't love me Bella," He stumbled over his words, as if trying to come up with an excuse to stop me, and stop himself.

"I don't know what love is," I tried to backfire but I knew that wasn't the truth. I could remember. I could remember too well, to the point of the memories physically hurting. I needed new memories, a way to burn the past from my mind. "All I know is I liked it when my fingers were entangled in yours and my head was on your chest listening to your heartbeat. Itmade me feel safe Like at the moment, nothing bad could touch me." I tried to stand on my tippy toes, pushing my face closer to his.

"That's not love." He tried to reason, putting his hands on my shoulders. "You are lonely and hurt, and going to make a huge mistake." His rejection started cutting holes into me. Another love pushing me away for my own good. Everyone thought they knew what was good for me, but they never looked into the difference between what was good for me, and what I needed. I wouldn't let him push me away to. Not the way Edward did.

"All I know is that I need this Jacob." I used whatever physical abilities I had to forcefully pull his face to mine. I pressed my small body up against his, and it wasn't the same cold body I wanted to feel against mine. This body was warm, very warm, but it was sturdy and it was real, and at the time that was enough. Forget Romeo, for all the audience knew he had already found another Rosaline. Wasn't it Juliet's turn to move on? And who better then the companion who loved her? If Juliet could never experience real love again, then no one could blame her for settling for the closest thing she could get. Jacob detangled himself from me, his eyes wide, but his resolve sturdy. He pushed me away at shoulders length. When I tried once again to physically be closer to him, he backed off. He made a motion to exit the room and I blocked the doorway.

"Bells, why are you being like this?"

"Haven't you ever wanted to do something completely out of character?" I was bunching my pajama pants tightly as if to take out some of my frustration on them. "Haven't you ever had an urge you had to follow? And when you didn't, you would always wonder 'what if'? You automatically regret not taking a chance, and for the rest of your life you never knew what could have happened."

"No, I don't think I have." He said quietly.

"Like…" I was trying to rack my brain frantically for anything to make him stay "Like wanting to dance in the rain in front of a huge crowd until you get hypothermia, or facing that big rollercoaster that scares the beejezes out of you. Or…wanting to tell the person you love that they mean something to you, but you don't want to add on to their broken heart?" I pleaded. His eyes looked up, and recognition flitted in them. He softly walked over and pushed my chocolate hair behind each ear while searching my face.

"Bells, I don't think rollercoaster's and dancing in the rain have the same consequences as taking your virginity." His voice, as soft and steady as a summer rain. His dark green eyes begging mine to see reason. But I was already gone.

"If you don't Jacob, I will find someone who will." It was an empty threat, but when he grabbed my wrist and dragged me over to the bed I thought I smelled victory, and something inside of me, was rejoicing. Instead he had me sit on the bed, and sat next to me.

"Bella, I don't know what's gotten into you. Honestly, this isn't you. I know you are feeling pain and sorrow, and I am here to ease that, but this will create more pain for you. You won't be able to look at yourself in the mirror, and I won't be the cause of that. I know you! You deserve better then this, you deserve roses, and flowers, and love-"

"Don't you love me, Jacob?" I demanded. His eyes closed for a second and he rubbed his temples with his fingers as if to make this go away. When his eyes flashed open and bore into mine I felt something inside me back off, but I was far from retreating.

"With every bit of my heart." He grumbled at me. It caused a moment's pause but I quickly recovered.

"Don't you find me attractive?" I asked, and in an act of desperation I started taking off my shirt. He gulped and tried to put it back on me, his clumsy hands fumbling from being so close to the vicinity to my chest. I saw panic spread, and his eyes couldn't stay put on my face.

"Bells, I love your body, but this isn't right." He was practically begging me now.

"What is right and wrong anymore?" I leaned over, and he tried to skirt away, but I leaned my face in his chest. He froze. "Jacob, I'm a big girl. I don't need anyone trying to take care of me; I can make my own decisions." He opened his mouth to reply but I kissed his lower lips and I felt him freeze up again.

"Jacob, I WANT this to be with you. Only you." Oh how the lies were spreading, but in that moment there was a sense of truth to it. He, despite not being the love of my life, had part of my heart. He needed to know. "Jacob," the word sounded dry in my mouth "You stand by me and you believe in me like nobody ever has. When my world went crazy, you were right there to save me. You make me see how much I have. There are a thousand reasons why I should give up, but you're the one reason I keep going." He smiled faintly and ran his hands through the messy sections of hair.

"That's exactly why I can't let you do this. I have very little control right now. You took every bit of my sanity with that kiss, and my resolves are right there on the floor with your shirt. I don't have this much self control, but I CAN'T do this to you. Please stop tempting me, Bella. I'm a man who is desperately in love with you, and is trying to hard to keep his emotions inside of his pants." He desperately searched my face, and then pulled me close, breathing into my hair.

" I'm **afraid**of being alone forever, dreams not being _fulfilled_, having something tragic happen, losing someone **close** to me, or just _losing_ the sense of being alive altogether. I am afraid, but I am more afraid I will regret not taking this leap of faith. I'm afraid I will never move on if I don't do this." I whispered. I felt him shiver beneath me. "Leap with me Jacob.

"You will regret it more if you do this." He grumbled into my ear.

"I don't believe that." I pulled back to look at his face, his innocent face. And I really didn't. I ran my hands over his short hair and he closed his eyes as if the feeling was ecstasy. "You can _waste_your life **drawing line****s**, or you can live your life **crossing**them. I want you Jacob. More than I have ever wanted anyone or anything in a long time. I need you in this moment more than I have ever needed anyone."

His eyes stayed closed, I sensed he was lost already so I took my chances and leaned down to plant kisses across his bare chest. "I need you Jacob. Jacob, please give me this." His eyes flashed open to look at me but I continued, feeling him shake beneath me. "Jacob, I want you." And with those words I unhooked my bra and left it fall to the floor.

I heard him groan and his eyes flickered open. When he saw me straddling him he gasped.

"Bella," His voice croaked. "I can't hold on to my control any longer. You are pushing my resolve, and I really recommend you stop now. I can't control myself anymore."

I looked him steadily in the eye. My mind had been made up far back, and no reasoning or remembering could change it. I heard Edwards snarl in the back of my mind, but I pushed it to the edge. It was now in the land of the forgotten, along with my sense and my reasoning. "Jacob, then lose control with me. Show me what it's like to be loved."

"Bella," He rasped. I leaned forward, my hair creating a blanket around his face. My lips pressed sturdily against his.

"Jacob," I murmured, and he was as lost as I was.


	3. Uncertain Solutions

**Authors Note- Thank you for the people who subscribed to my story, and my wonderful beta trine who is the best person alive. Please R and R.**

_Growing up is never easy._

_You hold on to things that were._

_You wonder what's to come._

_But that night, I think we knew_

_It was time to let go of what had been_

_and look ahead to what would be._

_Other days, now days, days to come._

_The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older._

_We just had to forgive ourselves for growing up._

_-Anonymous _

Out of character. That's the only way to describe the choice I made. Completely and utterly out of character. Pain must have seeped through my brain and rewired my conscience. I can't blame this on pain though. Pain is a self inflicting choice. As is stupidity, I suppose.

I woke up in sturdy arms, but the arms holding me were tanned to perfection, not the milky white ones I had been blindly anticipating. I thought that doing this was supposed to stop my stupid expectations. The whole point was to move on. And the fact that my brain couldn't comprehend that, and still felt as if I was waking up to a nightmare didn't ease my conscience. Guilt, uncertainty, and plain despair hit me in the gut. Images kept dancing in front of my eyes, and no matter how tightly I closed them, they were there taunting me. My stomach, on cue, tried to unload itself of its content, as if it would help my brain do the same. I heard a meek voice in my head screaming, "_I wanted this_."

I quickly ran to the nearest porcelain rimmed bucket and spent what seemed like hours atoning for my actions. I slowly started to lose my grasp on the toilet, and I faintly realized it was because I was losing my consciousness. The only coherent thought before my head hit the tile beneath me, was "Crap".

When my eyes opened I was blinded by light. It took a couple of blinks and a second for my brain to catch up, but soon the surroundings were coming into focus. My glance fell on Jacob's bare chest and a slow nauseating realization spread throughout my body. Hesitantly I looked up at his worried face. As soon as I saw the dead give away of his eyes, I closed my own eyes as tight as possible in order to make it go away. I heard a light uncertain chuckle from his direction. That sound at this particular moment seemed so…wrong. I had to open my eyes to make sure I had heard right.

"Was I that bad?"

"W-what?" I asked astounded.

"I can only assume that's what the revulsion, puking, and fainting were for." He said dryly with half a smile painted on his face. But it was soon replaced with a panicked expression. "Wait….You're not…" He trailed off, the question lingering in the air. While he stared at me in pure horror, for once since his growth spot he actually resembled the sixteen year old boy he was.

I shook my head quickly. "No, I wouldn't get any of the symptoms for two weeks, it wouldn't come this quick." He nodded, and started staring at a point on my wall in disbelief. At that moment I felt as if I had crashed into a brick wall. What if I was? We didn't. I didn't…My eyes must have revealed their terror because he eyed me carefully.

"You aren't on the pill are you?" He asked very slowly and cautiously, but both of us knew the response to that one. I numbly shook my head. I felt him plop down next to me in shock, but I was too stunned to look away from wherever I was looking. Both of us sat there, silence painted with our fears. Only the worst possible thoughts running through our heads, I am sure. I could feel terror dripping through the empty crevices of our silence.

"What if-" he started.

"No."

"But if-"

"Don't."

"We have to-"

"Stop."

"Bella," He pleaded with me. He turned to look at me seriously and I could only imagine what he found in my eyes. Whatever it was, it caused him to stop. I turned to look at him and we stared at each other for a few empty moments. Then, to my amazement, he dropped his head in his hands.

"Bella," He croaked. He swallowed tightly and turned his devastating eyes on mine. He continued in a parched voice "I am so, so sorry. I let you down. " He cradled his face back in his hands. Way to go Bella.

"Jake," I said as softly as possible. "This isn't your fault. If it's anyone's "fault" then it's mine. I am the one who pressured you into it."

"I could have been stronger." He reasoned.

I laughed a fake laugh. "No, you couldn't have. I seemed pretty resolved to get what I wanted."

"I could've."

"Aww, now you are insulting my seducing ability." He looked up to me and gave me a small smile. I reached over to pat his knee, which thankfully now had clothing covering it.

"I would prefer not to think of it as a mistake. You can label it whatever you want, but I don't regret anything, because at the time it was exactly what I wanted. Just consider it a learning experience. And as for… that. Well, we can't spend out time worrying about what might happen." My voice sounded strong, even to me. It took me by surprise.

"We will worry about it when it comes time to, okay?"

"You never answered my question." He mumbled, while bunching up my blanket instead of looking at me.

"Which one was that?"

He looked up, his face completely serious. "Was I that bad?" I could tell by the gleam in his eyes he was trying to pull a joke on me.

"The best I've ever had." I retorted back with a smile. The silence in the room lingered for a couple seconds, starting to pass slowly back into serious mode.

"Are you okay?" He asked, cocking his head to observe me.

"I'm fine." I assured him with a light hearted smile.

"Do you…hurt?" He asked concerned.

I shook my head quickly and then decided to keep up with the misplaced happy atmosphere. "No, you weren't THAT big." I joked. Jake threw back his head and laughed, and something warm spread throughout me. Something was telling me it would be okay. And as if to confirm that, Jake pulled me into a big bear hug. But it was over in an instant. Jake placed me on his lap and I noticed that I was wearing clothes now. He gave me a bashful smile.

"I put them on you after you passed out, in case Charlie came home early, and because I knew you would want to be dressed." He confessed.

"Bells," He started seriously, "We need to talk."

"Jake-" I started, not wanting to have to face the moment. I wanted time to dissect my thoughts first. I had learned my mistake of acting in the moment. But he cut me off.

"Just hear what I have to say first, okay?" When I nodded he took a deep breath to steady himself. "I can't do this anymore Bell."

I frantically looked up at him in confusion and he put his palms up as if to motion for me to calm down.

"Let me finish please. I can't be the 'resort to-guy'. I can't be second best. And I know you want to, and I know at moment you think you have, but you are nowhere near ready to let go of Edward in your life. And until you are able to move on, I can't just fill that position. I know it will be hard, and I know it will take time, but I am here for the long haul, so don't rush yourself, okay? So this" He made a motion to indicate him and I "can't happen again. Do you get where I am coming from?"

"Jake, I have to ask something. And it may hurt, because you know where I stand, but I need to know. How do you….feel about me?"

"**I love you** I love you not because you're _adorable,_ or because you're **sweet**, or because you're my best friend. I love you because you make me step **outside** myself _and_ look at who I really am. You make me want to be a _better_ person, just because you are who **you** are. I can tell you absolutely everything, _and_I **know** you will _listen_. And you're one of my **best friends**, but I'll keep all of this to _myself_because I **love**you _and_because you don't feel the same way. I _wish_ that I could **make** you love me, but I _can't_ "

"Oh, Jake-" I started. I felt my eyes watering up and my heart breaking in two.

He just smiled at me and rolled his eyes. "Don't 'oh, Jake' me. What, am I two?" I had to smile, but I didn't give it my full energy. I just looked at him unsure of what to say.

"Bells, I have been trying and trying to avoid it but you fell madly in love with the bloodsucker. And the kind of love you had doesn't just heal once you tell it to. I have tried to tell myself that if I had come along first maybe it would have been me, but that's not true. What you and Cullen had was different from what you and I have. I just wanted to let you know that I understand that. And I don't expect you to forget him. That would be unfair of me, and to do so would be unfair to yourself. Just focus on yourself right now, okay? Don't make any rash decisions because you feel that you have to establish what we are right now. Let life take its course, okay?" He looked steadfast into my eyes.

"Jake, none of this sounds fair to you." I tried to reason. I couldn't do this to him. He merely shook his head. Somehow everything made sense at once, but I had no clue what exactly we had established. Where did that leave us?

"Life isn't fair, but I've made my bed, and I'll sleep in it."

"Alone?" I hinted.

Once again I was graced with a laugh, and he hugged me tightly. "You know I will never let you face the evil nightmares alone. But we will _only_ be doing sleeping if that's all right with you."

That day we stayed up talking about life, about our times together. We never ran out of things to say. Maybe we weren't the same two kids we had once been, but some things never change. Some things last, and even though I didn't know what was going to happen to us, or where we were going. Even though I had no idea what direction our lives would take, I just knew Jacob Black would always be part of my life. When Charlie came home he didn't see the differences in us, but we saw the differences the night had taken on each other. We felt the difference inside of ourselves. Nothing was established, but everything was final. And it made no sense to me what we had confirmed, but the not being certain made complete and utter sense to me in the best of ways.


	4. Running in Circles

**Authors Note- Sorry this took so long to write an update to. It took me even longer without anyones reviews to keep me motivated. Moral of story I write faster with more reviews. Thank you for all those who did. I want to huggle you alllll. And once again props to my amazing beta. Here you all go. In my opinon the worst written chapter but it will get better. I haven't started writing the next chapter yet, so you better start motivating me. Haha. **

My brain had become my worst enemy. No matter what I tried to focus on, it went back to her. I would rather come face to face with Jane than be forced to sift through all the thoughts that came into my mind when I thought about _her. _What I should have been focusing on was where I were. Where in the world had Victoria led me?

After days of following her scent I reached the cut-off point. I knew I should have backtracked to make sure she wasn't misleading me, but lately my actions had become misguided themselves. I didn't question how obvious my route had been, or how easy it seemed, as long as it led me far away from Bella.

Why hadn't I listened to the part of my brain telling me this was stupid? I had thrown away the best thing in my life because of her safety, and yet I worried day and night how she could possibly be safe without me.

_I could go back_, I reasoned. Admit my mistake, fall to my knees and hope she would forgive me. That would be better than this agony. Besides, I would _never_ let any harm come to Bella, I had saved her from more outside forces than put her in the way of them. _If_ she was willing to be dangerous and date me, who was I to stop her? I now knew better than to treat her like porcelain, with people like Bella one just had to let them live. I was terrified for her, yes, but I did trust her, too. I knew that even if she was clumsy, she was anything but weak. Maybe that's the difference I had been missing. I shouldn't try to hide her away in some corner where I could never touch her, I couldn't compromise her freedom like that.

Maybe I had learned all that I needed to know, why make myself agonize a second longer? My foot was itching on the dirt path I was on. It was shaking to start moving, moving back to where she was, back to where I belonged. I could never be whole without her.

I took a look at the trees surrounding the meadow I stood in, each one growing in a habitat of different trees. The red ones intermingled with the pine ones, their leaves and spikes blending in unity. Two different trees that had different life spans, different roots, and yet growing in the same habitat. We could do that. Sure, when one looked closely at them, they are different kinds of trees, different kind of people, but at first glance you categorize them together because they have more in common than not. Bella and I, we were different, but we had more similarities than we had differences. She completed me, she defined me.

Why had I been so hung up on differences? The main difference between us weren't that I was a vampire and she was a human, although that of course was a big one. The difference was that she was willing to risk everything to be with me, willing to stick it through. While weaker and more at risk, she was stronger. I wasn't willing to let her. But if she was anything like me, and I knew she was, then this way of living I committed us to isn't living at all.

My phone started ringing. Instead of keeping it off, something had told me to turn it on today. Suddenly awareness started to creep in my core. Maybe it was a sign. Maybe it is not such a coincidence that someone called when I was thinking about her, because that was always the case. Yet something about the timing of it seemed like it had to be a sign. Before I could look at the screen to see who was calling, before I could second-guess myself, I pushed the answer button that would determine my course.

"Hello?"

I heard a relieved sigh on the other end. "He answered Jasper." Alice. Of course it was Alice, who else could I expect? While berating myself I let Alice ramble on.

"Edward, how come your phone was turned off? I tried to call you 47 times. Esme is worried about you. I told her you were okay, but she didn't listen to me. I would ask where you were, but I already saw. Edward, don't get mad at me, I was just making sure you were alive because…" Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to answer the phone. I let her ramble a few more minutes before I interrupted.

"Alice, why did you call?" Please tell me this is not some mission of Esme's to make me return.

"Oh yes, you know how I said I had a vision?"

"Yes?" I hesitantly asked. Maybe this would be my sign.

"Well, I now know where you are."

"And?"

"And I know what you are doing."

"Is that all?"

"Well you are on the wrong path."

"What do you mean?" I was starting to get frustrated.

"Victoria's not in Mexico." she stated. Well of course she wasn't Alice, I already knew that.

"She is in Forks."

"What?" I asked, dumfounded. Why would Victoria go back? None of us lived there anymore, we…

"Bella." I gasped. What if she had hurt her? I knew it was stupid to leave. Bella would die and she would die before I could fix everything. She would die because I tried to save her. I understood that life had an uncanny habit of becoming ironic, but this was too much, the joke has lost any humor it once possessed.

"Edward?" Alice asked, breaking me out of my gory thoughts. "She's fine." Relief splashed over me stronger then any tidal wave ever could have. But Alice continued. "No matter what way I look at it she's fine. But I thought you would like to know."

"Wait…are you saying-"

"Even if you don't go to save her, she's going to be fine." She confirmed.

"I'm going." I told her, already steadfast in my decision.

"I know." Alice sighed.

"Wait," her responses were confusing me. "Why are you depressed about this? I thought this is what you wanted."

I heard her take a tentative breath and I had a nagging feeling I wouldn't appreciate the news she would bestow upon me. "Edward," I recognized the voice she started out using. The exact tone she used when she had to tell me that Jasper and her had lost Bella at the airport.

"She's-" She broke off, no doubt contemplating how elegantly she could phrase it. From her pre-warning, I knew no matter how precisely she stated it, the blow was going to hurt. But it gave me an adequate amount of time to think of all the horrible substitutes she might offer. She was already dead, she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me, she was in the hospital like a vegetable, Charlie had died, she married Mike Newton-. As if another sign, as soon as the last thought appeared Alice found the words. "Bella has moved on."

"Moved on?" I restated dumbfounded.

"Oh, she hasn't moved on as in 'died'." Alice quickly corrected, before awkwardly continuing. "She has found someone else."

In the midst of my anger I felt my fists clench. "Is it serious?" I asked tightly. Humans always have had rebounds, right? Maybe this is one of those things. Maybe it was a one time thing that Alice had seen. Maybe it was a misunderstanding. Maybe Alice just saw one of Bella's many admirers and assumed she liked him back.

"If it is not already, it is going to be." Alice answered softly. In that moment I was forced to imagine the love of my life in another man's arms. I thought of her smile, a smile that another man would be receiving. As if it had been yesterday I could feel her soft lips against mine. Those soft lips would now be tasted by someone else.

"Who is it?" I asked tentatively. If I had to picture Bella, my Bella, for the rest of my life in another man's arms I at least had the right to know who it was.

"I don't know." Alice whispered. Silence hung in the air for moments. But to hear Alice uncertain about one thing provided a loophole in her statements. It gave me reason to hope that maybe she was wrong, maybe it was a misunderstanding.

"Tell me what you saw."

"No, Edward. I am certain of what I saw, and you don't need to see that. Isn't this what you wanted?" I thought about it. No, this was not what I wanted, this was not what I wanted at all. I wanted Bella to be in my arms. I wanted to hold her, wipe away her tears and sing her to bed every night. I wanted to be the one whose eyes she looked for in a room. I wanted to dance with her and lay under the stars. I wanted to marry her. I wanted to love her the way a man does with his wife. I wanted to kiss every part of her body.

I wanted to have a child with her. But that was impossible. It would always be impossible. We came from two realms, two realms that would never mix. I could never give her any of that, no matter how much I wanted to. _This is why I had left_, I reminded myself. She could never find true longtime happiness with a man who could never supply the necessary ingredients to do such. I left because she deserved everything a human man could give her. And now she was getting that, and I could only think of myself and what I wanted.

"I'm still going." I told her. "I'm going to go and finish the mess I started. And if she has found someone else, then it's safe for our family to go back. We can all keep Bella and her new…man safe. It's the least we can do for ruining her life."

"Edward you didn't-"

"Alice, yes I did, Tell everyone to quietly reenter Forks. I will be a little later, but I will arrive soon. I just need a couple days." A couple days to compose myself, and remember why this is for the best. A couple days to assure myself that this was for the best.

"Edward?" Alice called my name quietly, her tone apprehensive.

"Yes?" I sighed.

"Nothing." She said quickly. Not wanting to make small talk I hung up on her. I sat down on the ground and put my head in my hands. Slowly it felt like all the rest of the world had slipped away from me. After years of being the odd man out, the 7th wheel on the carriage and the 100 year old bachelor, I actually understood the meaning of being alone.

I had woken up when I found Bella. It was as if I had found a piece of myself I didn't know existed. And now that I've lost her, I feel like that small part of me took the rest of myself with it. And now it was gone. Every time I swallowed I got a taste of what I had become.


	5. Testing Us

**Authors Note- I am going to be going to a camp for a week leaving on Monday. I am going to try really hard to update before then but if not, it may be a week until I do. Please review, it's what motivates me. I am so excited to see all the wonderful people who put me on their alert list. Yay! Oh and Harry Potter may distract me...just a prewarning. Haha. Props to my wonderful beta!!!!!!!!!**

"Ouch." I frantically looked at Bella who had broken the silent atmosphere that we had been clinging to instead of focusing on the dire situation ahead of us. She held up her hand to show me that I had squeezed it too hard and I nodded briefly. The glance we shared held such blind, frantic terror. I wanted to wrap her up and give her a hug, assure her that it was going to be okay, but I knew it would make the situation even more awkward and real. So instead I lightly squeezed her hand and focused on the device on the table in front of us.

One strip, one small strip could determine the course of our future. I didn't even think I could look away from it if I tried. The minutes dragged on, and the small simple strip had yet to give us an answer. I couldn't even imagine what would happen if the strip was positive. And then I looked over at Bella, her long chocolate hair spilling down her back. And suddenly I could see her with a big belly, her face glowing and a possessive feeling came over me. I could be a father.

She looked up at me with a quizzical stare. Who ever said she would want that? Why would she _want_ to be pregnant with my baby? She didn't want this, and no matter how pleasant the image was, I couldn't entertain the thought. I quickly looked back down at the strip and furrowed my brow. I felt her eyes watching me for a little bit, but then her gaze drifted back down to the small object that would decide our fate.

With my mind swimming with images and thoughts erupting, I couldn't help but wish I had the power to read minds. Then that train of thought lead to the unavoidable _Edward _thoughts. She would regret this more than ever, she would be angry with herself. This should be him here next to her. Actually he could never even do this with her, so he could never cause her this much worry. He always was the hero.

I felt her tighten her grip around my hand, and only then did it set into my brain that the machine had beeped. Suddenly I wished that we had to spend more time waiting. I didn't feel like I would ever be ready to see the results of this. We both stared at it, willing the machine to just tell us an answer so we wouldn't have to touch it, so we wouldn't have to move.

Bella looked hesitantly at me. When I nodded she reached out slowly, as if any fast moments would scare the machine away. The surroundings seemed to start moving in slow motion. I gulped in order to sooth my parched throat, but it had no effect. Bella looked at it, and her face remained the same stoic expression. She cleared her throat and looked up at me. Her eyes gave no indication.

"It's negative." I felt myself release the breath I had been holding. Suddenly I felt a wave of disappointment wash over me. I tried to tell myself that the disappointment was wrong and misplaced, that this was a good thing, but somehow I felt as if I had missed out on a big opportunity. Bella gave me a shaky smile, and for her benefit I returned it. I pulled her into a tight hug. Too quickly for me to register it, she was pulling out of my arms and running to the bathroom.

In a muffled sort I heard her gagging and I ran quickly to the bathroom. I quickly pulled back her hair, and rubbed her back, trying to do anything I can to make it easier for her. I felt such guilt, this was the second time she had found herself over a toilet because of me. When she was done, I got a wet rag, and trailed it over her face. When I handed her a glass of cool water, she looked up at me. She looked miserable, and that pang of guilt returned.

"Sorry" she croaked. I shook my head and pushed some hair out of her face. I sat beside her on the cool bathroom tile.

"Maybe, you should take another one. Pregnancy tests have been wrong you know." Bella gave me a frantic stare. "Well if you are throwing up, maybe it is morning sickness." Bella blinked hard and continued to stare at me.

"Is that…" she started but her voice ran out. She cleared her throat, and her eyes flickered up to mine. "Is that why you bought two tests?"

When I nodded, she stood up in a daze. She nodded, but it seemed as if she didn't even register she had made the motion. She blinked a couple of times. At that moment I knew that whatever our fate was in this situation, it had bound us together for life, and there was no possible way I could live any part of my life without her in it.

She looked at the second strip of the day. When she handed it to me I looked at her in confusion. She drilled me with an unrecognizable stare. When I looked at the strip. The sign was distorted, as if it couldn't decide whether or not to put a positive sign or a negative sign there.

"It broke." She stated, To my utter amazement she got up from the couch and started to walk away. I looked at the test a couple more time. Sure, it looked more negative than it did positive, but that didn't mean it couldn't be.

"Well, then we should go to a doctors office." I stated once I put the test back on a table.

"No." Bella replied, starting to tidy up her room without looking at me. I knew this was a bad sign, Bella only cleaned when she was nervous.

"What do you mean 'no'?"

"No. I already know I'm not pregnant Jake." She said, now making her bed. I tried to make sense of this statement.

"What do you mean?"

"A mothers instinct right? Well I don't feel anything inside of me. And I feel positive that the first test was right."

"What about the throwing up then? How do you explain that? Or the fainting. You fainted yesterday, which is the reason I made you buy these tests!"

With her back to me she frantically started hanging things up in her closet. "I was throwing up before the time a designated pregnant person would. I must have just caught something. Charlie was really sick a couple weeks ago, too. And I have always fainted at small things, you knew that about me. That one test was just a fluke, it practically said I was not pregnant anyways."

"What if you are?" I asked frustrated. When she whirled around to look at me her eyes danced in fury.

"What are you getting at, Jacob Black? Why do you _want_ me to be pregnant? Why are you so adamant about this? Neither of us are old enough to be parents. What would we tell Charlie? Or Billy? Why are you creating this situation for us? I'm not, you know that and I know that. And just because you want some delusional fantasy you are trying to make believe I am."

"I am not trying to make believe anything. I am being sensible about this and trying to look at it from all aspects. There is a possibility you could be. What, does it hurt to get it checked out, huh?"

Bella looked at me, her eyes narrowed, her pale cheeks read in fury. "Because it would cause too much pain. I don't want to have to go through this all again. I want to just move past this and see the truth for what it is okay?"

"Who says that's the truth? You don't know Bella. Stranger things have happened."

"Oh really? Like having sex with your best friend and him actually _hoping_ you are pregnant."

"So what if I do?"

Bella put her face in her hands and looked up at me. Suddenly her cold demeanor lessened. "Please don't Jacob."

"No, so what if I think it would be a blessing more then a curse? How is that a bad thing?"

"Because it's not going to happen Jacob." She stated slowly.

I walked towards her and tried to capture her face in my hands to make her look at me, but she turned her face away so I settled for grabbing her hands. "You don't know that-"

I started but she cut me off.

"Jacob I think you should go."


	6. Unlikley Spokesman

Too often, the thing you want most  
is the one thing you can't have.  
Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out.  
Desire can wreck your life.  
But as tough as wanting something can be.  
The people who suffer the most,  
are those who don't know what they want.

-Anonymous

"Edward!" Alice gasped, running into my arms and holding me tight. I looked around my house, everything the same as when I had left it. Well, almost everything.

"Alice, it's okay." She broke away and flashed a weak smile at me. Jasper walked slowly behind her, and he, too, pulled me into a hug. I could hear Esme's thoughts from the kitchen, as well as Carlisle's, who was right beside her. Both worried if I had read Alice's mind to see the vision yet, both worried about me. But Alice had effectively started reciting colors in her head, so her thoughts would be kept private to me. And at this exact moment, I didn't want to see what her brain had to offer.

Soon the whole family had come into the room to greet me. Everyone had the same look upon their faces. It was the same expression Jasper received when he found out his last living relative died, or when Alice first found out her past. It was the look that has been passed on for generations. It was the perfected "sympathy smile". The half smile people gave one to say they understood what the person was going through and that they feel bad for you, when in reality they didn't know, or else they wouldn't be giving one that cursed smile. Even Rosalie, the woman who would under normal circumstances be rejoicing from the fact that Bella was no longer part of our circle, was fixing me with that haunting half smile, her eyes scrutinizing me. The vision Alice had had must have been worse than I had thought.

"Any news?" Everyone looked at each other with wide eyes, their thoughts running a mile per minute. "About Victoria, I mean."

Emmett cleared his throat, as if designating himself to be the spokesperson for the family. "See, we have come upon a small problem."

I narrowed my eyes, my fists clenching at my sides. "Problem?"

Carlisle interrupted quickly, knowing that I wasn't in the mood for this. "You see, we are trying to keep tabs on…" he paused for a moment as if unsure whether or not her name was acceptable to even say.

"Bella." I continued, ignoring the pain that stabbed my heart.

Carlisle coughed and continued. "Yes, well, and it seem the territory we have come back to has been claimed."

"What do you mean?" I asked, starting to get frustrated. It didn't go unnoticed to me that Alice was keeping Jasper from calming me down by softly stroking his arm.

"Well…It seems Isabella has found other protection."

I scoffed. "Like who? Who could protect her from a big bad vampire?"

Alice looked at me, her eyes sparkling. "A werewolf." She said softly.

"Wait, how do you know this? Aren't they breaking their own treaty?"

Esme slipped her hand into Carlisle's and he looked up at me. "We had to have a chat with them, and it seems their tribe has been filling the void we left in Bella's life." _That girl has a knack of becoming friends with creatures._ "They have been on the lookout for Victoria, while keeping tabs on Charlie's family. If we interfere, it will cause problems. They have already made it clear that they would put up a fight, if it means that they can protect Bella."

"It seems there is nothing left for us to do." Esme said quietly.

"We can fight them." I stated. Everyone looked at me, and instead of the horror I expected, I was shot another row of sympathy.

"No, we can't." Carlisle said. "There's no point Edward. They are doing something noble, and have the same cause as us. Why would we hurt them when they are the ones who have been keeping Bella safe this whole time?"

"Because that's _my_ job."

"It's not your job anymore." Rosalie stated. I looked at her carefully. I could hear it reflected in everyone's thoughts in the room, but Rosalie was the only one who would vocalize it. It was only then I noticed that we seemed to be standing on battle sides. I stood on one side of the room, my family all together opposite me. It was like they had known I would put up a fight.

"What are you saying? It's not my job to protect her because I am not dating her anymore?" I asked furiously.

"Exactly." Rosalie spat at me.

"Well I was the one who got her into this mess. I am not just going to sit here and let some _werewolves _take care of her just because it's convenient for us." I stood up tall to let them understand I was serious about this. I knew it wouldn't stop them, but I would not be talked out of my decision.

"Well, then you are a fool!" Emmett yelled at me. Rosalie looked up in surprise. She tried to rub his back but he pulled away. "No, I won't stand for this. Make up your mind! Either do us all a favor and grow up, stop moaning about how hard you have it because of some girl, or do something about it!"

"What?" I asked dumbfounded.

"You heard me!" He said getting louder with every word. I could see Alice and Jasper having a frantic conversation of whether or not to calm him down. "If you love this girl, then change her. Rosalie?" He asked looking at his wife with expecting eyes.

Rosalie looked down and mumbled quietly. "I am tired of everyone in this family telling me that you love her so much, and that is why you can not change her. I changed Emmett, does that mean I love him any less then you love Bella, or does that mean I love him more? Just look at it from our point of view. "

"But that was different, Emmett was dying-" I tried to state, all of the sudden getting very confused. Was Rosalie now telling me I should change her? But what about the vision? Hadn't she moved on? Why was it suddenly Alice and Jasper that were screaming NO in their heads? I tried to wrap my mind around it but Emmett interrupted me.

"And you're sitting here killing yourself! If you want this girl, damn whatever man she has now. Get off your high horse and go win her back."

"Emmett-" Alice tried to grab his attention but Emmett was on a roll and nothing would stop him.

"I'm tired of your so-called 'leaving.' We all know you are running, and here's the question of the day. Are you running towards something you want, or away from something you are afraid to want?"

"You don't know what you are talking about." I spat at him.

"Oh did I touch a nerve? Too bad! I am tired of being in this household and everyone walking on pins and needles around you. I'm the only one here who will say anything. You like her, she makes you happy. I know that, you know that. Now, it's up to you to decide if that's worth it. So what? She has another guy-"

"Emmett!" Alice yelled, obviously realizing there is a piece of information that Emmett was leaving out to me.

"He'll get over it. There's a time in everyone's life when they have to go out on a limb for something if they really want it. It's worth it even if it means a little hardship along the way. Even if it causes you to go out of character a little bit. You are the one who determines if it's just you going crazy or if it's love." Alice was frantically trying to plea with Jasper, who looked torn.

Emmmet furiously whipped around to them. "Jasper don't you dare try to calm me down, someone needs to say this. And don't mess with his emotions either. He needs to face what he is feeling without being influenced by your artificial emotions."

Everyone at this point simply stared in shock. No one was quite sure what to do with this raging burly man in front of us. "Edward. Here's the gist. You can't have it both ways. Either you fight for her or you let her go. It's not fair to her if you wade in between. It can't be one way or the other. If there is one piece of advice I can give to you it's this, when there is something you really want, fight for it. Don't give up no matter how hopeless it seems. And when you start to lose hope, just ask yourself if in ten, twenty years from now are you going to wish you had given it one last shot. Because the best things in life don't come for free."

"You're crazy." I said, unsure of quite how to react. I couldn't listen to any more of this; I couldn't be around him anymore. He had no idea what he was talking about. I quickly walked past him and into my room.

"You can't get what you want in life by running!" He bellowed up at me. I listened for a few minutes at the conversation raging downstairs.

"You shouldn't have encouraged him." Alice yelled at Emmett. "You are getting his hopes up. I told you what I saw, this can't happen. She has other things to worry about. He made his bed, now he has to lie in it. because I know, just like you do that they were meant for each other. But that's the way it has to be. He can't go gallivanting after her."

"I thought you said your vision hadn't changed?" Rosalie asked. For a second I got confused. Which vision, the one with Bella and another man?

"It didn't." Alice sighed. "Which makes no sense."

"Then there is still hope." Emmett said confidently.

"No, there isn't." Alice fought. "She is … still in the same situation as before."

"As if Edward would care." Rosalie stated.

"This isn't about Edward. Don't any of you see that?" Alice asked. "How is this fair to Bella? Or the man?"

"How do we know it wasn't a one time thing?" Jasper asked.

"Bella wouldn't do that, and even if it is she can't be changed now." Alice stated.

"But you said-" Esme asked.

"I know, which doesn't make any sense to me." Alice answered, her voice full of frustration.

"Well then let's let him decide what to do. Let us allow the event to play out as it may." Carlisle reasoned. Everyone took a big breath.

"They still want each other." Emmett stated confidently. "I don't care what you say Alice, or who this guy is. They still need each other more then anything in the world. They are just taking a long time to figure it all out."

**AN**: **SOrry it took so long. My beta read it and it was supposed to be up a week ago but she urged me to rewrite it because orginally I had Rosalie ooc, which I did. So I changed the screaming person to Emmett. And I must say I am thankful I did. So Sorry for the wait, already started the next chapter...**


	7. Visitors and Truths

The distinct smell of doctor's office assaulted my senses. I was starting to get a headache from the smell of latex mixed with disinfectant. I could only imagine how strong the smell must be to Jacob. Could he smell my fear? Could he smell his own? At that moment I was very thankful to be shut in a small enclosed room instead of the crowded waiting room. Here we weren't expected to put up a happy couple front. Just thinking of all the couples in the clinic, all anxiously awaiting their results made me want to run. I could picture the couples clinging to each other, women flaunting their wedding rings, as they clasped their husband's hand.

In this room we didn't have to touch each other. We weren't expected to mask our expression or worry about the inconsequential details of our relationship.

_My screams were caught in my pillow. Another night with neither of them present. I couldn't tell if I had a sheet wrapped around my body, or if the sensation of a sheet was my sweat weighing me down. I tried to look down, but all I could see were fuzzy shapes through my tears. Why? Why had it come to this? I had somehow become so dependent upon Jacob, allowing myself to care deeply for him, that when I had to spend the three past nights alone, I couldn't help but torture myself. WHY? Why had I deluded myself into thinking that Jacob could fix everything? Why had I forced him to sleep with me? Why had I pushed him away? I needed him. I didn't know why, I didn't know in what context I needed him, but I did. I allowed myself to indulge in a few self-pitying sobs. _

_Action, I _needed_ action. What could I do? Admit I was wrong, I overreacted? Apologize for seducing him? Ask him to go to the doctor's office with me so he would be getting what he wanted? Just the thought scared me. A note! That way I wouldn't fumble and say something stupid. I grabbed a crisp piece of paper from off my dresser, and snatched a pen._

_**Dear Jacob,**_

_**I am sorry, I didn't mean to snap at you. It's just that I don't want to go to the doctor's. **_

_I crossed it out. Did Jacob ever have this much trouble writing notes? I am sure if he were here he would be laughing at me right now. Urging me to just spit it out, but I had to convey it perfectly. _

_**I feel really bad about what happened. Can I make it up to you? I'll do whatever you want? **_

_No, that's not right. I crossed it out again. _

_**I miss you. A lot. I kind of wish we had never slept together so we wouldn't be in this mess, but I don't regret it.**_

"_I'll bet you don't." I squealed and whirled around as fast as I could, conveniently sliding off the bed as I did such. He was here! Standing above me, he was here. I stood in pure shock, just staring at his face._

_Since the last time I had seen him he had grown deeper lines in his face. His hair was just as messed up as it normally was, and he was fixing me with that same boyish grin I had been missing._

"_What…What are you doing here?" I blundered. _

"_Watching you write I guess." He shrugged and extended a hand to help me up. "Wow, you seem to have trouble conveying what you mean."_

_Instead of processing the joke he was making at my expense I grabbed his hand and continued to watch him in shock, as he helped me into a standing position. "You came to watch me write?"_

_He stared deeply at me, and put his hands in his pockets. He looked at the ground for a couple minutes and then looked up to me shamefully. "And apologize." When I didn't say anything he took a big breath and continued. "For leaving you."_

_I looked at him in shock._

The doctor came in the room and smiled widely at the two of us, as if to assure us that it would be okay. He held the test results. I could only feel my heart drumming wildly in my chest. I instinctively grasped Jacobs hand and held on as hard as I could. I could hear my heart beating; it was louder then the biggest blow horn. And Jacob's heart seemed to be beating on every off beat of mine, so all I could hear was fear. I wasn't ready to know this, I wasn't ready.

"_What do you mean?" I whispered in the dark._

"_I shouldn't have." The darkness filled the cracks and crevices the silence was leaving. Sounds of the night could be heard through the open window._

"_How did you get in here without me noticing?" I asked suddenly._

"_Bella," He whispered my name and put his hand on the side of my face. "You forget that I am a monster."_

The doctor looked down at the clipboard, and read it. He opened his mouth, and then closed it. He looked up at us again, curiously studying us, and then back down at his clipboard. He once again opened his mouth to say something, but it was as if the words were stolen from him. I had no idea what this could mean. I looked frantically at Jacob, whose eyebrows were scrunched together scrutinizing the man in front of us.

"Doctor?"

"_No you're not." I tried to reason with him, but I knew he wouldn't listen to me._

"_Yes, I am. Especially after running away from you like that. You should hate me." He muttered, dropping his hand and looking down. _

"_I could never hate you."_

"Well I have some strange news for you." The doctor started. "It seems your manual pregnancy test came out negative. And this has happened before right? You said that you took many pregnancy tests and they all broke, or came out with negative results? Is that correct?" We both nodded. "Well it's quite peculiar you see because we looked closely at the urine sample you provided us and we found specimen inside it that make us believe, without looking at the manual tests, that you are in fact pregnant."

"_Bella, I would do anything for you. Please forgive me." Instead of questioning the fine point details I simply nodded. He smiled widely, a smile I had missed, and hugged me tightly._

"This is very strange you see, we have no record of this ever happening. So we are going to keep you on watch. You, if in fact you are pregnant, are only three weeks along. But the samples we found could, in fact, be not related to a baby at all, and you may have something unheard of growing inside of you. I know this makes no sense, we have a team of specialists trying to make sense of it, but all I can say is that we need to watch you closely in order to figure this out."

"_I missed you." I murmured against his shoulder. He laughed, a bellow in the small room. _

"_Believe me, I missed you too."_

"_Don't ever leave me again." I whispered. _

"_Don't ever let me." He pulled away looking closely at me. _

"But Doctor, couldn't you just so an ultrasound and determine what it is?" Jacob asked roughly, his voice strained and hoarse.

The doctor smiled, and I got the distinct impression he was trying to keep the situation under control. He was trying to keep us from worrying, but he didn't have any answers.

"We could, but we wouldn't know for another two weeks if it was a baby, the embryo is too small to show up on screen, and even then it may not produce an image. Now if it was something more serious, which to inform you, we do not suspect, then it hasn't developed enough to the point where it would show up either."

"So we have to wait two weeks to find out whether we are going to be parents, or Bella has some disease?" Jacob demanded.

"_Will you stay the night?"_

_He studied my face carefully. "I don't think that's wise." He said gently looking around._

"_He's not here. He's gone." I stated quickly._

"_Bella-" He tried to reason._

"_Please?" He breathed in deeply, while keeping an intent gaze upon my face. As if he was certain I was to disappear. "I need you." And after an endless second he nodded._

"Please understand Mr.-"

"Black." Jacob growled, and I tried to stroke his arm to get him to calm down.

"Mr. Black. We believe, given the circumstance, and time situation, that Ms. Swan is pregnant. Only we can not be sure. I assure you that by the time we can be certain, there is still an opportunity for abortion if that is what you are curious about. But in order to be certain we will have to wait a few weeks and see how the situation plays out. So please calm down, and take care of yourself, Isabella. Get some rest, and don't freak out. We will arrange an appointment for a couple weeks from now."

"So there is nothing we can do until then?" Jacob growled. The doctor simply shook his head and ushered us out of his office.

"_I am sorry to." I whispered to him and he simply nodded, clearly not wanting to talk about it anymore. "I was scared."_

"_I'm scared too, Bella." He said, trying to convey something to me. I could tell his eyes were boring into mine, as if trying to reach into me and tell me something. _

"_Don't ever leave me again." He looked at me, not saying anything. "Promise me."_

_He hugged me and whispered in my ear gently. "I can't promise anything, there may be a day when you don't want me anymore and you tell me to leave again."_

_I laughed a humorless laugh and took him by the shoulders. "That would never happen."_

_And I had a feeling when he looked strait at me that there was something he knew and wasn't telling me. This feeling increased when he simply said, "You have no idea what the future holds."_

"_Jacob-" I started, but he simply gathered me in a hug and it wasn't mentioned again._

And now, in a small hallway with pictures of healthy children lining the walls, pictures advertising and criticizing abortion glaring at us, I looked at the man standing beside me. We allowed ourselves a few moments to stand in that hall and allow the emotions to sail over us. In the back of my mind I could hear the echo of what Jacob had said earlier. _"You have no idea what the future holds."_


End file.
